“And would you wipe her butt if she became really sick?”
“Wait, what kind of question is that?” I can almost picture my husband’s quizzical expression. After a moment of thought he finished with, “Yes, if it came down to it, I would.”
”Well, if you would be willing to wipe her butt, I would say you really are in love.”
My husband, then boyfriend, told me about this exchange he had at work that occurred more than several years back. It seemed kind of gross to be asked such a question from a co-worker in my mind, especially since this was my butt they were talking about. Apparently, the question was posed from a girl around our age (labeled a millennial) who was skeptical of love and even more uncertain when my husband mentioned the “M” word.
He wanted to marry me.
She thought marriage was a death sentence.
I kind of did too.
What’s the Point of Marriage if Everything Changes in a Not-So-Great Way?
It’s been the trend of my generation to fear marriage, voicing our opinion loudly on the topic. But mine was tucked away in my private world. I would try to listen to audio books to prep you for marriage, but the words would paint the picture of matrimony filled with more gray skies than sunny ones. What’s the point of marriage if everything changes in a not-so-great way?
I couldn’t help but to remember the line from one of my favorite movies, Little Women on this topic. Jo found out her older sister, Meg was getting married. But instead of celebration, she said the line that would always cause me to choke on the topic, “Why must everything change?”
Why Must Everything Change?
That’s the vocal expression of my generation, backed up by the action of co-habitation sans the ring, or simply staying boyfriend and girlfriend, never moving to the next relational step and remaining relationally apathetic. I was there with the last point- afraid of getting married, not just to my then boyfriend- but to anyone. Why must we have a change? Can’t things just stay as they are?
But that’s just the thing- life does change. Seasons pass, even your favorite ones drift into a memory. Winter is bound to come. Who will be with you in the season of disrepair? Are you certain marriage is a death sentence? Could it ever encourage life?
Life in the Winter
I honestly don’t remember if he ever had to wipe my butt. But he did have to empty urinals, clean the bed if anything “accidentally” came out of me, and other grotesque duties a father of a small child has to do, not a husband.
I can only imagine what would have happened if I hadn’t said “I do” just a year before sickness had overtaken me. Maybe I would have had a doctor initiated script for a government worker to assist me. Maybe. But I wouldn’t have had the joy of sharing this experience with the one person who became one flesh with me. The one person who said “I do” through sickness and in health.
And yes, I said joy.
Remember when I talked about how the marriage material I was looking into highlighted more of the gray skies than the sunny ones? They were wrong. It’s entirely what both partners make out of their marriage that will lead to the gray or sunny skies- not circumstances alone.
Remaining in relational apathy would have stunted my growth in the winter season and it would have halted me from seeing the beauty in marriage that freed me more than it chained me.
I recently heard a quote you may like on this topic, friend, “It is propagating a falsehood when it paints [a
married person] as stifled, miserable, hollowed-out men [and women], yearning for their carefree bachelor days and regretting their commitments. What leaves a man [or woman] depressed and hollow inside is not attachments, but the lack of them.” -Jim Geraghty
I’ve never heard of a plant flourishing solo, without the aid of roots grounded in life-giving soil. The
lack of attachments certainly does leave us hollow inside.
What I’m Not Saying
What I’m not saying: I’m not saying that you cannot have growth as a single in times of struggle (you can), and I’m not saying marriage is for everyone (it’s not). I’m also not saying that your boyfriend/girlfriend won’t stick it out with you if a crisis springs up. I’m only saying there is a uniqueness to marriage that has tied not chained me to my husband in a way that can only be described as a mystery, to borrow the words of St. Paul. So if you found someone who is willing to say “yes” to wiping your butt if you were completely unable, please, marry him or her. It sounds to me like you may have just found someone who will help bring life, even in the harshest of winters.
As of today, happy three years of marriage, Michael. Thank you for your devoted self-sacrifice and proving to me from your words of insistence before we married that we would still stay best friends.

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Wow, what transparency, grace and wisdom you share. What an inspiration to the millennial generation.
Thank you for your kind comment, Patricia as well as taking the time to stop by. 🙂
Such an awesome post, especially as an millennial myself. I needed this. I’ve been trusting God and trusting in His timing. I’ve learned that during this season of singleness it’s a purpose in itself as Christian. So lovely post ❤
Thanks so much for stopping by with your thoughts, Nicki! I am so, so sorry it’s taken this long for me to respond– I was on a hiatus away from the blog when you left your comment here. Yes, singleness certainly does have its purpose in the Christian life and I am so glad to hear that you are trusting God’s timing with your future. Looks like you’re right where you should be in this season of your life.
I absolutely love this! As far as this single millennial sees it, bad days come for everyone, and a wise couple knows that a sacred union is a powerful force against those days. I just want to be wise in who I let spend the rest of my life with me, no matter what we face.
Hey, I recognize you from Instagram and your lovely feed– so good to see you here, Emily! I am so sorry it’s taken this long for me to respond– I was on a hiatus away from the blog when you left your comment here. Yes, it’s truly wise to spend time considering who you’ll be with for the rest of your life. Aside from the decision to follow Christ, choosing your spouse may very well be the second most important decision you make in your life.
Hello! We do premarital counseling to this generation and it’s been hard for us to know how honest to be about the unpleasant moments – like telling someone how gruesome childbirth is….but the baby is wonderful! But you are right, I’m finding many want to know about the hard parts. I think reality is definitely needed, especially to a generation that sometimes shies away from the hard things or hard way. My husband has had to pick up a lot of the slack due to my unexpected illness too. I hope you get to continue to influence your peers about these life-giving attachments. 🙂
“I think reality is definitely needed, especially to a generation that sometimes shies away from the hard things or hard way.” Yes, this is certainly true. There seems to be enough studies to suggest what you say is true and that the past couple generations (basically since the Boomers) avoid the hard stuff…That trend doesn’t seem to be breaking any time soon in future generations.
I’m also sorry to hear about your own illness, Jennifer! So glad to hear you have a hubby who’s a trooper and is able to be of assistance to you. Thanks for stopping by with your valuable insights, Jennifer!
I know a lot of people don’t want to get married because they see their parents in an unhappy marriage. My parents had a blessed marriage, so I did not struggle with this until after I got married. Marriage was so much harder then I had envisioned. But we didn’t give up, and by the grace of God, our marriage was transformed.