I‘ve spent time over the last month collecting some of the best voices on chronic illness and pain from the lens of Christians enduring long-term health issues. The words these wonderful people have to offer are filled with such astounding wisdom. Take a listen:
1. I want to serve, be involved at church, and become immersed in Christian community, but so often I can’t do these things because of my pain. Esther Smith from Life in Slow Motion: One thing I want people to know is why I’m not around. It’s not because I’m lazy or anti-social. It’s not because I would rather be at home watching TV or reading a book. There are so many activities I am unable to tolerate, because my pain prevents me from sitting, standing, or walking for any significant period of time.
Even when I am physically able to do an activity, sometimes I still can’t because something else is more important. I may need to choose making dinner for my family over attending Bible study, or resting up for work tomorrow over hanging out with friends. Just because I’m not there, doesn’t mean I don’t want to be there. Just because I sometimes miss church does not mean I am backsliding or sinning. So often, I desperately want to be present, and it is extremely upsetting when this isn’t possible.
2. I struggle with feeling as if my health condition is my identity. Hannah from Young Wives Club: I know that God declared me worthy, but somehow, my own sight seems to be clouded by this day-to-day struggle. Despite my attempts to shake off this feeling of misplaced identity, I find myself continually reminded of its existence.
Sometimes I wonder when the pain and restrictions will go away, but inevitably I find myself beat down once again believing that this will never leave me. That this illness is who I am both now and forever. But then there are time where I recognize that this is not my identity, I remember who God has called me to be. He has not labeled me “broken,” “inadequate,” or “mistake.” He has called me “daughter (1 John 3:1),” “holy (Colossians 1:22),” “righteous (Romans 3:20),” and “redeemed (Psalm 107:2).” This illness is not me. It may be part of my story, but it will never be strong enough to define me.
3. Even if you don’t know how to help, please don’t leave. Sara from Romans 5:35: Chronic illnesses comes in so many different shapes and forms, that vary even by the person, and by the day. I know that those who do not have chronic illness themselves can feel very uncomfortable trying to help those who do, and even though many really want to help, they don’t know how to. I mean, we who do have it barely know how to help everything! Sometimes it can seem easier for everyone if those who don’t know how to help don’t get involved. I would like to ask for something different, though- I know that you may not know how to help, and I’m totally okay with that! Just please don’t leave me alone.
4. I can feel as though I let everyone down because of my illness and cannot be the wife and mother my children deserve. Diane Ferreira from Worth Beyond Rubies: Chronic physical pain can be debilitating, not only to the body but to the mind and heart as well. I struggle multiple times a week feeling as though my husband and my children deserve better. I feel like I let God down because I cannot be the help mate and mother HE wants me to be. But although God did not give me this pain, He uses it to teach me valuable things about love and patience. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 comes to mind each time.
God uses this to show me the love of a husband who will do anything to make me more comfortable. My husband is a living and breathing example of 1 Corinthians 7. He extends grace to me each day. And in God’s grace, although I still suffer with physical pain, God also teaches me a valuable lesson about His love for me. That while I can’t ever do enough to earn it and at times, I can’t or don’t do what He would will for me to do, I have His love and His grace and His patience. My pain and my reliance on the love and patience of a wonderful husband has shown me the example of the Heavenly love and patience of my Savior and my need to rely on Him.
5. Although physical healing would be wonderful, and we still believe in the power of healing and miracles, we learn to find Christ in whatever situation we face. Our illness can have a purpose. Emily Sandison from To Fly Again:
I feel like so many Christians see my physical struggle and say things to me like “you’re going to get through this.” ”God is your healer” and “we are praying for your healing”. All of which is lovely, but it kind of implies that we cannot be fully content while our health battle still rages. This can be slightly detrimental because it focuses our eyes on the end rather than the process we are walking through.
The eternal life we life with Christ is in the now, and gives us hope and strength each day.
6. When a friend comes alongside us, it nourishes our soul. Melanie Fagan from She Breathes Hope: Whether it’s praying for me, encouraging me, or simply listening with understanding, it validates me as a human and not just the sicknesses.
It’s so easy to get lost in our symptoms and become isolated. When a phone call, email, or text comes through, in that moment our focus is on the friendship and joy. Having a close friend tell you that they understand and challenge you, despite your illness and to be all that God has for you to be, is beyond measure.
So often, disease tries to define who we are, but does it have to? It may set limitations, but the people in our world that continue to nurture and encourage are precious, a true gift, living life as Jesus did. So please, make that phone call, take a meal, create some art together, or have a cup of coffee. Bring the love. Bring the fun. I guarantee, it makes all the difference in our world. Having a friend with an encouraging heart, literally sets our eyes towards Jesus, which in turn does indeed strengthen the soul.
7. Chronic illnesses are both a blessing and a curse- Jerusha Borden from Jerusha Borden.com: When you struggle with a chronic illness you know how difficult it can be. You know the pain that you experience even when others don’t. You know how hard it can be to explain to others when it doesn’t match up with the pretty pain scale adorning the wall in the doctor’s office. You know how it feels to be robbed of quality of life and the ability to do small tasks that others take for granted.
But here’s the hope we crave – chronic illness can also be a blessing. Because in the midst of our difficulties, we understand a deep need for the presence of Christ. If I never felt like I was stuck in the river, I wouldn’t need Him to hold my hand and help me out. If we had never had been diagnosed with a chronic illness, we may not have come to understand our desperate need for the presence of Christ in our lives. It is only because of this, I have learned to be thankful for this curse, because from it sprang up my greatest blessing.
8. Having a chronic illness can change your personality. Michael from Inkblots of Hope: I had watched my wife endure chronic illness, but I had a difficult time putting the two together that her moments of quietness and solitude were related to her extreme fatigue and pain that made it difficult for her to exert herself. I didn’t understand until I had my own chronic illness. Previously, I had always loved going out and connecting with people, but chronic illness changed that. I don’t have the energy to connect and talk like I once did. I’m now in a strange world as a natural extrovert who acts like an introvert because of chronic illness.
If there’s one thing I want to convey to loved ones of those with chronic health conditions, it is this- if your loved one who is sick isn’t communicating with you, the reasoning may not be that they’re blocking you out. It could very well be that they do not have the energy reserves to connect with you. Seek first to understand.
9. It may not be a lack of faith or a secret sin someone is harboring that causes their sickness. Sarah from Inkblots of Hope: I think we would all love to believe that if a certain detrimental situation happened, we would come out unscathed. If someone was raped in the town over from us, we would conclude that the rape victim most likely took the wrong road and was in a locale where we would never traverse. I think the same mentality can, unfortunately, happen in churches. The thought goes something like this, “If I became sick with her health condition, I would see [fill in the blank] faith healer.” “I would know the right medical interventions.” “I would never suffer like that person because I have enough faith.” I think we need to be careful with this line of thinking because it can create an air of self-righteousness and condemnation.
As much as there is a “reaping and sowing” in the Bible in which blessings spring forth from a faithful lifestyle, there are also the Jobs of the Bible where his seeds of righteousness were perfume drawing the enemy into a testing ground because of his faith, not in spite of his faith. I would love for others to understand that for most, chronic illness is not a choice.
10. Even though chronic illness can be scary for onlookers, we still need our community of support. Emily Chupp from Beyond the Noise:
If I could use this opportunity to speak to Christians who have friends with similar struggles, I would plead with you to be patient. Be loving. Be understanding. I’m well aware that it appears scary and generally doesn’t make sense to you. Believe me- it doesn’t make sense to us either! We didn’t ask to carry these unique burdens, but we try to do so with strength and bravery. We also never aimed to inconvenience you, and for the times we do, we’re sorry. We’re sorry for the times we had to cancel our plans at the last second. We’re sorry that because of us, those plans had to be altered slightly. We’re sorry that we get emotional at random times and simply need a shoulder to cry on.
I am reminded of Job who lost everything he had, including his health, and found himself in deep despair. His friends gathered together and uplifted him in his time of need, but then regretfully, turned to preaching without compassion. Please, be to us how Job’s friends were initially. Seek to understand and show compassion and whatever you do, friend, don’t give up on us!
You are all such an inspiration to me. I am glad I found you. I pinned ever one of your quotes. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
We’re thankful that you were able to glean some good nuggets from the article, April. Thank you so much for stopping by and for re-pinning.
This so describes how those of us who have chronic health issues, have to deal with on a day to day basis. Thank you for posting this.
I’m glad you found this relatable, Joyce. Thanks for stopping by with your comment. <3
Thank you for validating and encouraging those who struggle every day. I am fighting Lyme Disease and the struggle is overwhelming at times. Just hearing from others helps so much.
I’m so glad this was a helpful read for you, Katrina! Feel free to message us through the “contact” section of the blog– we know how isolating chronic illness is and would love to make your journey less lonely in whatever way we can. <3
Thank you! This is beautiful!
I have had Fibromyalgia for about 8 years, funny though many of these I agreed with at one time, I don’t feel that way anymore. It is a process, at this point I am very focused on Jesus and doing what I can. When I focus on what I can do instead of what I can’t do, I feel so much better. For example, I may not be able to be a regular helper at church, however, I can and do pray for the church every day, some days 2 or 3 times.
I would also add that what you need and how you feel changes daily, so if you want to be helpful ask, “what would be helpful for you today” or something similar. I may want to have lunch today, or it may be that just the call or text was enough and about all I have energy for, I am just grateful to know that you are thinking of me. To understand you need to ask and be willing to hear the truth. Yet, please don’t feel sorry for me, that only makes it worse. Help me to stay positive and focused on what I can do.
Thank you for these powerful truths and recommendations for those not battling chronic illness. I’m sad to say that I’ve been wounded far more deeply by the church during my 15 year battle with chronic illness than helped by it. It’s hard not to conflate “the church” with Christ, especially when they’re supposed to be His hands and feet. I’m working through trying to build back my faith, but sadly, I’m doing it alone without any support from Christian friends who abandoned me when my continued illnesses became too inconvenient, and for some, too unbelievable.
Hi Erin, first of all, thank you so much for taking the time to stop by and comment. I’m glad to hear certain points of this post resonated with you. But oh, how my heart hurts for what you’ve endured with church hurts due to your chronic illness! I’ve heard it said that the church is in need of the chronically sick. They’re like the livers of the church, not the showiest members for sure like the pastors and deacons, but they’re needed to represent the continual brokenness of the world and to exemplify a life glorifying God in the midst of trials. Unfortunately, the church doesn’t always see the need for the sick.
A faith-based psychologist has said that we can many times feel distant from God not simply because we’re lacking in our quiet time (though that can happen) but also due to how the people we are surrounded by treat us. If people snub us, betray us, or are simply absent, we can begin transferring these traits to God. It’s something I’ve seen in my own life, so I can attest to the truth of that statement. I’ll certainly be in prayer for you, Erin, that God shows Himself as Immanuel, the God who is with you and who cares and I’ll also be praying for a small community of believers to stick it out with you and who can directly empathize with your situation. We’re working on building a safe community online of believers who have chronic illness or have endured various trials and need to plug-in to fellowship. Please keep in touch if you’re interested, Erin.
I would love to be connected with that group of believers online. I suffer with a chronic illness and have many times felt like leaving my church because of these very things, the lack of love, compassion and help. I would love to connect with others. Maybe even find some in my local area. Thanks. God bless.
It is increasingly difficult for me, as a man, to believe God loves me. RA, fibromyalgia, Diabetes, fused vertebrae, daily chronic pain. FOR OVER 30 YEARS. I have no physical strength, no ability to please my wife, I think they would all be better off without me. But, I am trapped, God is the giver and taker of life. He is also supposed to be the great physician… but not for me. I pray that He takes me so this thirty year nightmare will end…
Matt, I’m so sorry to hear of all you’re struggling with. I appreciate your brutal honesty. We hear your pain and your discouragement. My husband and I are both in our fifties and are unable to work or engage in life because of chronic illness, including chronic pain and fatigue, which we’ve been dealing with for many years. We lift you up in prayer. May Jesus meet you in your pain and bring you complete healing!
It warms my heart to see your encouraging words here, Carolynn! Thanks for taking the time to extend words of kindness and truth. I am so sorry to hear of your own health challenges as well as your husband’s. Praying God restores what was taken away from you, grants you wisdom on how to attain wellness, and gives you the strength you need in the present.
I am so, so sorry for your pain, Matt. I think questioning God’s character– his goodness, his love, and his faithfulness are normal when you endure a long battle with chronic health struggles. But I also think it’s not something any of us really wants to discuss. It’s easier to fake it with the plastered on Christian church face than to be real and confront the raw emotions that exist in a heart that feels forsaken. In that way, thank you for your bravery to express how you REALLY feel, Matt. I’ve needed my times of lament with God, asking where he is. I would pick up the Bible, but also feeling like I would be near to a panic attack because I was terrified of God and his Word…and not in the “fear of the Lord leads to wisdom” kind of scared. It was easier to read the laments in the Psalms from David. Those I could understand. It sounds like that’s probably where you’re at as well. Don’t be afraid to share God your doubts; he can take them. I will be fighting alongside you in prayer, praying God rewrites your broken story and creates beauty from your ashes. Please keep in touch with us. <3 --Sarah & Michael
Sarah Anne,
Thank you so much for your lovely message. You touched and blessed us with your caring, eloquent words and beautiful prayers. In spite of your own tremendous health challenges, you’ve established a much-needed ministry. Your life is a beautiful testimony. May the Lord pour out many rich blessings upon you and your husband. May He give you full restoration and healing, and strength along the way.
For some reason, Carolynn, I’m just now seeing your comment. Ugh, my brain. Thank you for pouring out your words of encouragement onto me as well as your sweet benediction. Any person who is in ministry will tell you they need ’em, because *THIS* *RIGHT HERE* is where the enemy attacks.
Thank you for taking the time to stop by. Please let me know if there’s anything I can pray for you about specifically. <3
I would so love to join an on-line community of Christ believers. I need the community and encouragement from such a group.
Sarah Anne,
Thank you for this ministry and gathering place for Christian encouragement.
Besides the daily struggles of autoimmune disease, pain, fatigue, loss of identity and stuck in the throes of grief over the loss of my health, what often has been the hardest part for me is the constant feeling of being forsaken (which I know is not true). God’s word promises peace and joy not only in the good times but in the midst of suffering. But I have not felt peace or joy in a very long time. I suppose the loss of peace is the worse part for me. And then I fall into the vicious cycle of constantly questioning my salvation and fear my faith will be shattered. I am seeking God but my fatigue, brain fog and complete inability to stay focused has resulted in a waning prayer. I lament way too much. And I carry so much guilt that my many blessings she be more than enough to overshadow my afflictions. I know that God is not the author of chaos nor does he condemn but rather convict. But I cannot even discern the difference. I just want peace. I so want God to restore the joy of His salvation. His joy not mine. I’m not sure I know what true joy really feels like. Anyhow, how do I find God’s peace? I know that joy is one of the fruits of the spirit. And recently, I heard a sermon that suggested if you do not have joy (which is a spiritual gift) then perhaps you need to reexamine your salvation. You can only imagine the self-flagellation that resulted from that sermon message.
I am so sorry for my delayed reply to you, Pam. I was taking a hiatus away from the blog during your comment. Yes, it can feel so desperate having a chronic illness. Add to add to that the chasm that’s felt between us and God and the message from other believers that we may not be saved due to our valley moment that brings tears to our cheeks instead of a tug at our face in the shape of a smile– it’s all a little much at times. I am so sorry for your pain, Pam, and I am so sorry you’ve come to the place of questioning your salvation. Of course, it’s good to know we’re in the faith and 1 John is a good book of the Bible where we can examine ourselves to see if we have the essential requirements for a Christian. However, if despondency is your only sign that you seem to see that you feel that brings you out of line with salvation, then please look to Job who cursed the day he was born, Pam, and look as well to Jeremiah who is known as the weeping prophet, and look as well to David who fills the Psalms with his own cries of lament. These are men of faith who are not always what *we* consider joyous. Your illness to me sounds like it’s been a long haul in which case, it makes sense why you feel like you’ve been in a long season of lament. You’re still lamenting because the illness is still persisting.
I always have to remember through my own long journey of health challenges that I need to bring my woes to Jesus and not to simply complain for the sake of complaining. It can be so tempting to leave God out of the equation (especially when I don’t feel Him near) and look to my left and right at my healthy friends and complain in angst leaving out room for hope and God. May we both bring our hurts to Christ who can handle the burdens of our lament and may we allow Him to shape us in this long season of winter.
I’ll be in prayer that your season of lament doesn’t last forever though, Pam. I’m praying that you do indeed find hope in the land of the living and that God will unfold a beautiful story out of your life.
Ugh. I know that I have a “diagnosis” and that it is really a chronic illness, but since I’m not “sick” I’m just in pain (all the time), I do feel like my chronic pain defines me. So I can definitely relate to that. But my favorite is #5. I really wish people got that.