Pensive. Pensive is the word I would describe the last month. The warm scents of cinnamon and vanilla mingling together with the smiles of merriment that ease the tension normally accompanied by the many days preceding this favorite time of year seemed so far away. The normal joy I felt along the sea of smiles was wiped away with the crashing wave of trepidation.
Thanksgiving of 2012 was when my health was first waning after a healthier period of time. The normal drive I had to cook was gone. Couch time took its place.
Thanksgiving of 2013 was when I began to walk with an unusual gait; I would wheeze, and then fall. These episodes hit the repeat button.
Thanksgiving of 2014 was when my health took a frightening downfall. My body was in attack mode. Convulsions and other equally scary occurrences were the highlight of the season.
What would this year’s fall and early winter look like? Would there be another traumatic experience that would send my body downhill even more?
I decided I would “celebrate” the day marking a year of my last down-spiral. It sounds morose. Why would you celebrate a day marked by trauma? I knew I had to replace the memories. And I knew I had to remember how far I had come in my health.
I realized once again how I had developed amnesia of a different sort. I had forgotten how far I had come from the day marking such scary occurrences.
I had forgotten how my situation could have been much worse.
I had forgotten so much of the good.
While last fall was traumatic, I really thought my health would have cleaned up neatly in just a few quick months. I could endure the pain because I believed it was only temporal. Six months tops was my mind-frame to restore my health to functionality.
I fell into a despair I hadn’t even admitted to myself when those months lengthened and I was still…infirmed. Yet, I had forgotten that the infirmity was reduced from the mark on last year’s calendar. Oh how easy it is for all of us to slip into a different sort of amnesia…forgetting the good, brushing away the blessings, and only focusing on the damages from the year.
This only reminded me of an article I had written several years back when I realized how important it was to celebrate breakthroughs that would easily have been swept away by the tensions of today, which I will share with you next year, which is just around the corner. 😉 Until then, many blessings to my dear cyber friends.